Let’s talk about rigor mortis
There are some things about death that we all seem to know the words for, but very few of us actually understand. Rigor mortis is one of them. It sounds rather alarming, doesn’t it? Most of what many of us know about rigor mortis has probably come from crime shows, where somebody announces that “rigor has set in” and everyone immediately looks at their watch. Real life is much less dramatic. And if you’re caring for someone after they have died — particularly if they’re at home with you — understanding what is happening to their body can make an enormous difference. So, let’s talk about it.
What actually happens?
Immediately after someone dies, their muscles generally relax. Then, over the following hours, they gradually begin to become firmer and stiffer. This is rigor mortis. It happens because the body’s cells are no longer producing the energy the muscles need to relax. It often becomes noticeable first around the face and jaw before moving through other parts of the body. But — and this is important — there isn’t a stopwatch running. Every body is different. Temperature matters. So does illness, someone’s physical condition before they died, their surroundings and a number of other things. Rigor might begin within a few hours. It may develop more quickly or more slowly. And it doesn’t last forever. As the natural changes after death continue, the muscles eventually soften again.
Rigor mortis is a transition.
It comes, and it goes. Why would I need to know this? Because if someone you love dies at home, you may want to spend some time with them. You might want to wash them. Dress them in something they loved. Brush their hair. Position their hands. Wrap them in a favourite blanket or shroud. Or perhaps do absolutely none of those things and simply sit beside them for a while. All of those choices are okay. But if you do want to care for their body yourself, knowing about rigor mortis helps. If their body has started to become stiff, an arm or leg may not move quite as easily as you expect. Their jaw may feel firm. Their hands may stay in the position they’ve naturally settled into. Please don’t feel that you need to fix this. There is no perfect position a body needs to be in. And there is certainly no need to force anything. Gentle movement may sometimes help when stiffness is beginning, but if their body doesn’t want to move easily, work with it rather than against it. Sometimes the answer is simply to leave things as they are.
This is still the person you love I think this is the part that’s often missing when we talk about what happens after death. We make it terribly clinical. Post-mortem changes. Rigor mortis. Decomposition. Important words, certainly. But lying in the bed in front of you isn’t a clinical process.
It’s your husband.
Your mum.
Your sister.
Your friend.
And their body will change after they die because that’s what bodies naturally do. You don’t have to be frightened of those changes. You also don’t have to pretend they aren’t confronting. If you’ve never been with someone after they’ve died before, some of this may feel unfamiliar. That’s completely understandable. Most of us simply aren’t exposed to death in the way previous generations were. Which is one of the reasons I think we need to talk about it. You don’t have to rush This may be the most important thing I can tell you.
When someone dies, particularly at home, families can feel an enormous pressure to start doing things.
Who do we call? When are they coming? Do we have to move them? What happens now? Depending on the circumstances of the death, there will of course be practical and legal things that need to happen. But that doesn’t mean every moment needs to become a task. There may be time to sit. To hold their hand. To call the people who love them. To put some music on. To open a window. To make tea. To let the dog come in. To say the things you still want to say. And, if it feels right for your family, there may also be an opportunity to help care for their body. You don’t need to be a funeral director to love someone after they have died. Sometimes you just need somebody beside you who knows what’s normal and can quietly say: That’s okay. This is what bodies do. That’s a large part of why we talk about these things at Farewell Collective Sydney. Not because everybody should have a home funeral. Not because everybody should wash or dress someone who has died. And certainly not because there is one right way to do death. Quite the opposite. Because when you understand what is happening, you have choices. And when something unfamiliar becomes understood, quite often it becomes a little less frightening. Rigor mortis isn’t something going wrong. It’s simply one of the ways the body changes after death.
Natural.
Temporary.
And something we don’t need to be afraid to talk about.